Sunday, March 27, 2005

Nineteen

She received a call from her first love, the one who at 19 she thought would be her ‘forever love’. She would sketch him whenever she missed him, and sometimes these sketches would graduate into paintings.

The call did not surprise her, but what did somewhat surprise her was that he was planning a one day visit to Kuwait, on ‘business’.

He arrived and they went to dinner. Everything seemed normal. They have been friends for many years. However, one exception to the normalcy occurred towards the middle of the dinner. He was looking at her in a different way, long enough for her to notice, but without discomfort. As well as she knew him, she could not understand what these looks meant.

Among their conversation about life, family, and work, he complimented her on how good she looked and that his mother has been constantly hinting that they should get back together. She smiled, accepted his sweet comments as compliments and they continued their conversation well into dessert and coffee. They said their good byes and she went home without a thought other than that she was glad that they had managed to maintain a healthy friendship over the years.

A month later, he called again to tell her that he is getting engaged to a girl who he met through his sister and that this girl paints and ‘I don’t know why, but I have this strange attraction to girls who paint’.

He had forgotten that she painted. She was not hurt for she was many years over this first love. But with this remark she appreciated the strength of that young love, and its influence and the lasting impressions it left.

Later, she realized that the business he had come to Kuwait for was to meet her, and that he had indirectly asked her if she would accept him, and without much thought although with great honesty, she had declined.

Many years later, recalling her thoughts in a confused but clear de ja vu, she sat calculating how many more times can she endure a forgetful heart that erased her memories only to replace them with identical ones with a different name.

Comments:
Sheba this has to be the most beautiful, womanly, contemplative and soul searching post I have read of yours so far. You have a very clear and mature feminine voice. The subtle portrayal of the unspoken question behind the dinner is provoking and poignant.
Bada3tay :)
And yes, it is funny how many imprints we have leftover on our unconscious and inner-selves from long ago that we endlessly pursue in our lives, isn't it? You sometimes don't know what you have until its long gone, and then it is just impossible to go back to it. Life and people move on...
 
It takes courage to plunge into marriage & commitment.
Some men recognize what they want and go for it.
Others are less decisive.

Sometimes one looks back and wonders if only...
But that should only be for a few moments, for reflection.
After that one should look to the better things that life will offer.
 
Dear Sheba,

I am truly touched by your story. I do not wish to comment much further, suffice to say that we all can somewhat relate. There is this great song by Creed...whose lyrics I would like to share. (Sharing is Caring).

Hello my friend, we meet again
It's been awhile, where should we begin?
Feels like forever
Within my heart are memories
Of perfect love that you gave to me
Oh, I remember

When you are with me, I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice
 
msbakerq8, your words almost brought tears to my eyes, not because i am sad (this story is 2 yrs old), but that you felt & understood.

jewaira,
i am not anti-men. If they were not ready (or less decisive) they were not ready: age, maturity, finances, emotional scarring, or simply not the 'One'.

And i am with no regrets regarding any decision i have made in my life, and when i reflect, its only to learn :)

Misguided,
There is always a very good reason that things or loves do not work out. We usually know these reasons. Emotionally smart people will see that love does not conquer all, and you must let go. I think it takes longer for a man to get over a failed relationship than it takes for women, contrary to popular belief. But women talk more freely about their hurts and therefor we think they are hurting more.
Your song it3waer il galb. (P.S. I hate wirting preachy comments/posts although i know i do preach sometimes).
 
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