Plushness

Sometimes we say the stupidest and most hurtful things to cover up our fears. We become persistent or insistent on an issue (right or wrong) as if it was a life or death situation, and we do not feel how stupid we sound. Of course later, when you have calmed down and your vision is clear, you understand your own motives. You were insisting on something that is layers & layers deeper than the original argument.

Example:

He: I don't think that is good value for money.
Me: I've always wanted that, its beautiful, and it’s the best buy.
He: You're wasting your money.
Me: It’s an investment.
He: You can buy the same thing from Asia for 1/10 of the price.
Me: Yes, but i would HAVE to go to Asia.
He: It’s identical to the one you bought last year.
Me: Yes, but this one has a nicer shape.
Etc...

(Okay, this is a bad example, but you get the drift). Sometimes people argue about something that is really NOT what the argument is about.

‘He’ is worried that she am 'not careful' in her spending and is worried how he would maintain her sporadic spending.

‘Me’ is worried that he wants to control me, and that he is cheap.

So are such arguments euphemisms of the larger picture? Are we shy to say what really is our fear? Most likely, yes. He is worried that he sounds cheap and controlling, and she fears that she would give in to him, and it would set a precedent where by he will be able to exercise control on all matters.

Why do we use this disguise to our true feelings? Are we afraid to lose ourselves? Do we fear that once the real issues are on the table it would mean that the relationship and its issues are more real than we think?