Saturday, July 02, 2005

SET UPS

One week ago I went to a reception with my sister. I was wearing a black & grey brocade skirt from Whistles and a bubblegum pink crepe blouse from M by Missoni. Shoes were very high healed Gucci’s, matt gold.

I saw a well dressed lady (in Missoni and a hijab), in her mid to late thirties, very pretty, checking me out. I thought she looked familiar, but couldn’t place her.

As we were leaving, the hostess whispered in my ear ‘someone was asking about you’. My reaction, ‘who?’ Hostess ‘I’ll tell you later’.

I totally forgot about that night, until yesterday, my phone rings and it was the hostess. I ignored the phone call, only because I had just woken up and didn’t feel like being socially polite (ajamel). So, the hostess text messages me a few minutes later that she wants the address of my work place!!

So I did well not answering.

A few hours later, she calls back, I apologized for not calling her back, and she asked me again for my work address, claiming that someone wants to do business with us. (Note: the hostess doesn’t even know what our company does). So I told her ‘tara if this is a trick, I don’t meet people without prior appointment’. It sounded bitchy, I know, but I couldn’t help myself. She said ‘I will make sure they call for an appointment’. I was going to say ‘but I do not handle local clients’, but I bit my tongue, deciding that she’s too sweet.

I HATE SET UPS, they feel like you’re on display (a.k.a. meat market) especially when they’re one sided (i.e. when I don’t who or when someone is going to walk into my office- AND it doesn’t help that my office is 1 big mess and I rarely bother with how I look when I go to the office). And from experience, the guys who ask to be set up are on top of my reject list, along with many other girls before me and after me (until he finds THE ONE).

Shraykum? What do you think of such set ups?

Comments:
Go do the book tag post instead of worrying on this issue.
 
huh? Ma fahamt
 
btw purg, i edited, pls re-read post
 
check my last post, I decided to tag you.
 
Yeah slight editing, I was still lost in the first part because I have no idea what bubblegum pink crepe is.
 
bubble gum pink <-- color or bubble gum

crepe <-- material
 
correction: color OF bubble gum
 
AH ok, well I explained my tag post now, so you can do it :)
 
forget it...
لو شنو....أصلا أكره شئ بالدنيا شعور البنت أنها كأنها قاعده بفترينه...والناس يتطمشون عليها
 
I know exactly how you feel.It's frustrating and I hate it too. I went thru lot of setups and i am well experienced in ta6feesh. I don't know why I do that bas ebo6oon chabdi. One of the things I do when one of those claims he wants to discuss some work , I say oh sorry this is not my expertise you can talk to that guy. HEHE one actually got mad and said "LA IT6ARSHEENI 7AG A77AD"
 
Sheba, it depends, many people from this culture is accepting such kinds of set up, I know many guys (very local minded) were set to meet their wives like that, and yes, they are living a great life, with kids and all.. so I think it depends on the person him/her self.. I, for instance, would never get setup like that where I get to see the girl, talk to the girl, and only if I like her then I’ll give a green light for things to go on, where on the other end, the poor thing has no idea of what’s happening.. I would love it if our eyes met while we are ordering the same order at a coffee shop, or a nice smile while holding a door for her, I believe that the best love stories get to happen on its own.. no rushing, no setting up, that’s why I have never been out on a blind date..

But hey that’s just me.. :)


شغل محلات بيع السيارات مو نوعي كلش
 
purg, please dont hate me

nano, e 7ada, i always say ina ana mu vetreeena! I told my sis this sucks, he's only here to checm me out, if he likes how i look or not! Very degrading.

Bora, LOL tha7akteeni. ITS SO BORING ALSO.

The Don,
I3jebatni salfat opening the door :) But then how would you approach her?
 
:) no worries.
 
Like my mom always says even people in the weatern world are being set up all the time. Blind dates, through friends, the only thing is it would be more of a compatibility thing, not because you and the mohajaba happen to wear missoni at the same time, and she probably thought your Gucci shoes would go so well with her brother (If thats the case! hehe)...:P..
 
Sheba, I’ll start thumping on my chest and do mating noises.. LOL
 
Waterlilie,
hehe or ON her brother!

7adi shariya ilyom!

The Don,
NICE move lol
 
LOOOOOL

Setups are...........
 
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
Hmmm,


Is it ok to say that I was turned on by the 30+ year old gucci-wearing im7ajiba??

Sorry dont mean to freak everyone out with my first entry on this blog.
 
2 words...

Setups suck!
 
Why don't you look at it like another way of meeting people? It doesn't necessarily have to be icky or disgusting or anything.. Just enjoy it.. It's not a big deal, if you like you like.. if u don't then u don't..
I think people take this too seriously and in very "I'll never display myself" kind of way.
Maybe you'll find the exception to the rule of that these guys are always part of your "reject list"..

:)
 
Not withouth my heels:

I think its because of all the pressure that accompany setups. If regular dating starts at LEVEL 1 (and marriage is LEVEL 10) then i think set-ups start at LEVEL 9.5.

That is why it is rejected by many. Think of it, in the case of a setup you can bet that at least four people know, and half of them are very close to you. You are already meeting with one objective in mind, where is fun? the adventure? the excitement?

I personally am against setups because: 1 they remove what in a dating situation we might call the solid grounds (level 1-3) they remove the excitement about living day to day and the discovery of one-another (level 4-7) they remove the fun part of discussing next steps (level 8-9) and remove the surprise and gratitude of marriage (level 9-10).

Set ups are just too boring, no hunt, no fun, no excitement, no unknowns, baseless, just plain "I want her mommy".
 
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
Set ups are known in kuwait. from the 1st day kuwait existed.

And I do not think you have to feel like a piece of meat because That Piece might be the wife of that guy who took the chances to walk inside your office with PURE INTENSION to marry you and create a false story just for him to see how you handle people and how you look .

How do you want to know a person ?
Throw a relationship that has ups and downs and at the end either you have an issue or he has . During that period you get to interact with him without even knowing what his intensions are . Is he serious or he is not ? that Q will be always in your mind. And you keep on continuing your relationship with him waiting for the final commitment . cuz at the end this is what every one wants ? Sa7 ?
Now I wana know this ..a guy with a clear intension of marring you . or a guy wanting a relationship period to make sure of his feelings true or not ?! you tell me

I want to marry a women threw a love relationship before marrige . every one wants that. but I know it doesnt have to be like that . I might end up visiting offices searching for my future wife .

and that is some thing else .. if you feel your a meat .. what do you think that guy feels?

Also, each girls hates the set ups but at the same time SHE LOVES TO SET UP others ?!?!?! now thats Damn confusing .. if you hate it then dont do it to any one else too and most of these planned set up worked and living happily ever after . my mum married dad threw a set up . its not bad at all cuz if your waiting for that prince with that white horse .. probably he will not come ..

I noticed that they are plenty of a drop dead gorgeous girls with brains and good families sitting in thier homes single waiting .

where i c ugly and stupid ones married. now why is that happening ! is it luck ? I dont think so .

smart girls are independant and daring themselves daring other .. where at the end ghasbiiin 3aleehum they will accept our culture and we are not in London we are in jeleeb shyoookh .

Only time will tell

Im sorry


My comment is a general comment for all girls
 
Crappy:
kalamek kella 9a7....BASSSS

u have to b a girl to know the feeling
 
C&N
walaa anaa weyaak fee kelmaa gelt'haa

its hard here in kwt to find a girl and date her for long time then u say u wanna marry her or not
i think setup is very good way to marry some one here cos some times ur sisters or mother or friends can see or meet more girls than u do

well just one thing u have to tell the girl whats goin on do just go by and see what will happen she must know whats goin on just like u

yalaa good luck
 
I HATE SETUPS! i can't go to any dinner parties or weddings or even be at work and feel comfortable when 3arab are around, they always want you to marry someone they know... it's not about what you want its about what they want. i hate that. maybe im just too americanized, bas its aggrivating... ooh my brother in law would be great for you, or my son, or nephew, or whatever, it makes me want to just yell 7illo 3anni!! ughhhhhhh
 
They just want an excuse for a wedding so they can wear the overpriced dress that they bought bdam galbhum
 
Ok this is my honest opinion on why set ups are not attractive to me:

1. They're scary (the unknown factor, especially when u do not know whos going to walk into you office).

2. Fear of rejection. Maybe he will not accept you.

3. Fear of failure.

4. Fear that he's close minded, or not romantic enough for him to think of a cute way to meet you.

5. Fear that because he's such a geek, he cannot meet girls on his own (he needs a referal). And yes i know the counter argument to this one is 'what do you want him to do, roam around the streets looking for his future wife?'.

6. Because the selection (you, the person being set up) was based on social criteria (family, education, wealth, height, weight, age, etc.) it feels very scientific, and you feel that you must be scientific too, except that this person must be: graduated from an Ivy league school, earns KD 6000/month, is 6 ft tall, handsome, well dressed, polite, knows his art & literature, well travelled (aka a renaissance man).

What i mean to say, is that in such arrangements, one tends to be EXTRA picky because the choice was not based on who the person is, but what he/she is.

7. Fear of you rejecting & thus hurting the person.
 
Set ups? no likey

Sheba I totally agree with you
excellent reasons
Bravo!
 
KD6000 salary

I fold,
 
haha Saad, welcome to plushness :)
 
Crappy,

A school mate of our's got married right after high school, and she was SO ugly meskeena that she looked freekish.

My best friend & I were talking about our surprise that she would get married and my friend's dad said 'ugly girls get married first because they take the first opportunity that comes there way, for fear that another may not come along, and attractive girls marry last because they are always in search of a better deal'.
 
*their
 
On the topic of set-ups: If Im single and looking I love em. If not I HATE EM. You never know, you "could" meet someone really interesting.

--------------------------------

On the topic of finding a wife, well Ive found that in order to meet someone, you have to drop your pride and take crazy risks. If "you" wanna hook yourself up.

I mean abroad its a lot easier, but hey, weve been living here long enough to know the system. Like a girl? Walk up to her, just talk to her. See how things develop...

If you really love eachother you can beat "System".

If not, you can always get engaged, (Ahem kuwaits "legal" dating method)

Bleh my 2 cents...
 
Sheba
Search of a better deal untill ?
untill when ?
thats the problem . just cuz a girl is pretty doesnt have to tetshara6 3ala bu 7ilwa cuz il jamal mo kil shay . o kila at the end will fade away .

they will wait and wait and wait untill there are no one availible ba3deen yet7asefoon 3ala ily taf hum .
 
The Don, Good point ;)
 
As a Q80 guy I am still not convinced about these "set ups", but the problem is that what is the alternative !!!

The worst thing about these "set ups" is that both ppl will put on there best coz they know the purpose of it !!!

To be honest am now very confused coz since I arrived back home, I did not find an alternative way for a person (guy or a girl) to meet the right one.........

I have been to gatherings, partys, ..etc and did not find them to be a better way to meet the right one.....most of the girls I have met were "cool wanabies" !! fake fake fake...

SOOO What is the alternative in ur opinion ??????
 
Exactly! I swear it's like we're pieces of meat, or some item they liked and picked out for their son! I hate that!

Besides set ups and arranged marriages, is the way women are regarded in this society ( a burden). Check out my post, talks about something similar:
http://dishevelled.blogspot.com/2005/06/frustrated.html
 
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