Saturday, September 24, 2005

Cut that Umbilical Cord

New age mommies (NAMs) spend 3-6 hours a day doing their kid's homework. When i took a look at the Arabic and Math syllabuses i sort of excused them... Until i slowly discovered what NAMs are really doing.

They sit opposite their kids, mobile & Tv off, or within close proximity, to make sure that their kids do their 'naskh' or whatever it is that elementary school kids are supposed to do. NAMs check every 10 minutes that the kids are not slacking off because without supervision these kids will do nothing.. Not because they are lazy or dumb, but because this is what they have been accustomed to!

I asked a few NAMs if this was how they were raised, all said 'no'. I still have not found the source of this phenomena, but I do feel that it is a form of overprotectiveness and the need for their children to be ever-depending on them.

Worst yet when the kids of NAMs go to University. The mommy goes with the kids to find them housing, she would buy all the kitchen and school utensils, duvet, thermals etc for her 18 year old 'child' and his/her roommate(s) and yes, she would also stay for the freshman initiation. Both parents would then visit their kids 4-5 times a year. The kids come back home for every vacation/holiday because they're homesick & miss machboos deyay and Lina their nanny (yes they don't cook either because they're still not allowed to play with fire).

Message to all mothers (and fathers), you are producing life time dependants and i know that you know that, but the result is grim. The outcome is 24-year olds who can do nothing on their own. When i remember how much i had done by the time i graduated and how 'underdeveloped' kids are these days, it breaks my heart how badly they’re missing out.

Comments:
Well said, Sheba

And one more thing to NAMs: Your kids don't have to be A students for crying out loud.
 
ba3ad sha7a6at il q8iyeen shloon gayla
 
you said it right sheba,

My DAD was like this, made our spare room into a study area for me sat wiht me for hours practising my studies, however he kinda backed off a bit when i started university lol

After I read this post i figured that my sister can be labelled as a NAM,

The parents have the best intentions at heart and i think eventually these 'kids' do gain there independance in their own time . . .
 
Great issue to bring forward.
I'm pretty much independant.... and im sorry to say this, but no thanks to my parents. Whenever I wanted to do something alone, or take any responsiblity I'd have to fight for it! Believe it or not.

And even when i won the fight, and did something on my own, my mom would still be after me.

Here are some cases:
When I first started driving....I turned the car on, put it in reverse to get it out of the garage, in those 4 minutes she already recited the whole Quran and decided im still not ready to drive even though i passed the tests.
The first time I was drove alone to my aunts house, after the nagging saying i know how to get there and I'll be fine, she let me go. Much to my dismay, she made the driver follow me without telling me
When I was supposed to go to univeristy, I was planning on attending somewhere, and I got everything done, got all the info i needed. By then my mom had already called her friends friend who's daughter used to go there and got all the info!

So if you're a parent, gonnabecome one, or know a "NAM" please ask them to back off!! Give your kids the space they need. Allow them to manage things on their own, make a couple of mistakes and learn from them! That's the only way they're gonna learn. And for god's sake have some faith in them! ;P
 
*thumbs up* :)
 
la tglbeen elmwaje3
 
Still parents are the ones who love us unconditionally, and do you know what that means?

-No one would ever love you that way, not your lover, friend, hubby or kid.

So enjoy this love as long as you have it regardless of how encumbering it might seem :)
 
Dear Sheba,

At a time when more and more kids are getting neglected by their parents. You decide that is is best to leave them alone.

I agree that at some point one should start to back off. But not when they are so young they need help with 'naskh'.

In our time we didn't have all the distractions that surround kids these days. It is not unreasonable to create a study period were distractions are limited.

Finally, not all kids are as strong-willed and independent from the outset... some need direction. To help one and not the other will only create the impression of favoritism.

Truly,
Misguided

P.S. I am glad you decided to discuss something more substantial.
 
OMG I Agree! I have a NAM and a NAD as well! They let me do nothing on my own! They even have the passwords to all my accounts so they pay off my bills, credit card dues and everything else.. People tell me I'm lucky but I really would rather my parents just stayed out of my life and let me do things on my own.. Heck I don't even know how to schedule a dr's appt (ok so I'm exxagerating but you know what I mean).. ;p
 
Shurouq,
Merci, do you any NAMs?

Geo,
Sha7a6a sha7a6a!

Hibbalicious,
hehehe cute!

Dishevelled,
hahahahahahaha amusing! How are things now?

3baid,
Merci

Misguided,
You would know better. But isn't it the parent's job to lessen these distractions?

And, whats with the 'substantial'? The whole point of this blog is 'fun' and/or a cathartic release.

Mabya3ah,
OMG OMG Hahahahahahaha!! How old are you now?
 
yeah sa7 wainhom il banat? la wasi wala salty! where do they go =|
 
Dear Sheba,

Nobody needs a license to become a Mother or Father. Anyone is capable of having children. But to give your children the best chance possible at a good future... is to be a Parent.

I applaude "New Age Mothers" as you may call them...for doing exactly what they are doing... Caring!

Finally, This is your blog and you can post what you wish. But I have come to know you as a smart woman whose posts have always intrigued me. Lately, I am sorry to say you choose to discuss "buggers"... a subject I talked about in 4rth grade.

Your Fan,
Misguided
 
I don't like the new pink layout. Reminds me of a table cloth!


CHANGE PLEASE! :* (u know i luv u guuurl)
 
Wasii called & etsalem 3ala all & etgool 7ag MG thank you :))
 
Sheba, I agree with you parents should teach their kids how to be independent even when it comes to studying.
They should decipline the kids and make them stay put in their rooms until they finish their work before doing anything else. Parents should stick around just to check the final work and to answer any question the kid might have.
Some NAMs end up doing the work for their kids...how will the kids ever learn that way. Unless it is 7ifi6' parents do not need to be hands on in this matter. Even that I tend to record my voice on a tape recorder reciting the verses and my son can rewind and play until he learns the verses by heart.

I got these tips from class A teachers.

Misguided,it is not neglect it is however teaching them independence, caring and loving can be expressed in so many other ways not by doing the work for your kids.
 
Sheba....well the outing part is great. I'm not being followed and spied on anymore lol. But all the other stuff are exactly the same. Hell would freeze over before I'm able to go to the mostaw9if alone when I have the flu, or when I get a haircut, dye my hair, or get ready for a wedding! And I'm gonna be 21 in a couple of months! :S Saaaad I know! LOL!
 
nice one, lama has to do anything with NAMS?
 
mo k2an the umbilical cord inge6a3 o t-harra

next post pls!
 
Excellent subject Sheba... when we went off to college, nobody accompanied us and we had to do EVERYTHING on our own. And I am a better man for it!

They only came for graduation!
 
i would also like to add that nams and nads are control freaks .. they don't only accompany their kids when they go study abroad but they accompany them to register at kuwait university too, do all the asking and decide what classes their kids should take...
 
I just heard of a dad who took his daughter to college, and all thru the day he would send her SMS telling her he missed her.. while he was 5 blocks away!!

I'm sure at first the daughter was happy to get these messages, but eventually he will embarrass her in front of her peers... and we've all been thru that "parents are sooooo embarrassing" phase!
 
" Hey sexy lady, I like your flow.." will be a hell of background tune for your refurbished site.:)

I tried to read the threads and try n focus on content, but was a bit out of focus due to khamat el degla elle 7a6et'ha:)
 
7arakaaaaaaaaaaaaaat
 
More than anything, it's these kids' lives. By the time the kid is at college age, he has often got no life experience whatsoever to base his future decisions on. He panics, he's got no people skills, he worries too much, and he panics.

I worry when I think what it will be like for him in 4 years time and he has to work.

For God's sake, mothers, get jobs and let your kids live their lives. They need to live a little, relax, have fun, get some bad grades, just so they can learn to value good grades and start earning them themselves.
 
whats wrong with going back to kuwait every holiday or having loving and caring parents to help you settle in first week of uni?.. I don't think this makes a person less reliable. I love your blog though.. However, I totally disagree with this post:) have a lovely day:)
 
Your new blog YE3AQQID!! =D
 
this looks better but you need a few changes here and there colorwise to make it look better.
 
Just walk around and you will see a whole new generation of Arab kids raised by maids from cultures that has nothing to do with ours. And then read the news coming from all over world about parents abusing their children and mothers abandoning or even killing their children for the sake of a good-for-nothing boyfriend.
What is needed is a very delicate balance to prevent the nourishing umbilical cord from wrapping around the necks of these kids.

On the other hand, I am glad my parents were not of the suffocating type :-)
 
hehe good to see this post has brought some responses from the gents, nawar il blog.

Girls, love you always :*

P.S.
Jash: haha!
 
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