Thursday, July 30, 2009
Camaraderie
There's an unwritten rule between women in larger and closely knit families that has a strong resemblance to that between girl friends: we speak to each other about any problem the family is facing, but we never embarrass the person(s) that is facing this problem.
For example, if a cousin goes through a nervous breakdown we will discuss it as the women in the family, but will not embarrass him/her about it. We will not give unwanted advice, or ask if they have seeked professional help, or ask his/her parents why she hasn't gotten over "it" yet. The intention is not so that we can gossip about them, but so they do not feel uncomfortable and singled out when they are in our company. And most likely it will be family members that they will feel okay to mingle with first before going out in the real world, and you don't want them to feel pitied or seen as a victim etc.
If an uncle marries a witch, we will be civil until he figures it out (and of course sometimes they don't). And elder aunt will break the silence, and the younger members will nod silently (you have to always agree with your eldest aunt, this is another unwritten rule).
Now if this social-disaster ettiquette is ignored by a female member of the family/friend, she will be shunned from that tight guardianship forever. She will be the Angelina Jolie of the family.
I might sound preachy, and i know we're all busy with something (facebook) or the other (bbm) but I would be interested in hearing views on this.
Note: You cannot comment on Angelina Jolie
P.S. Imagine the men in the photo were women (too hungry to look longer thru google images).
P.S.S. Yahoo & Microsoft will never beat GOOGLE
P.S.S.S. BLOGS have come back in (seasonal) fashion after what seemed to be a LONG Vila Moda 90% sale
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i totally understand.. i come from najdi background and when an elder aunt/uncle say heaven is hell and hell is heaven you still have to agree!!.. later in time i came to appreciate this, if we classify it under "respect" category since the younger generation is way too rude to even listen to what you have to say! they just want to disagree with you for the sake of disagreeing!
love your blog.. keep posting!
love your blog.. keep posting!
Mother Courage,
Interesting! Yes, respect has become extinct, sadly.
Thank you MC and i am glad you enjoyed my blog :)
Interesting! Yes, respect has become extinct, sadly.
Thank you MC and i am glad you enjoyed my blog :)
dubya! you stole my line!
as for the witch part, the uncle will never figure it out and the kids become mini witches and grow up to be an even more evil version of their mom with malice spewing out of their pores
and no one's willing to sacrifice the peace of the family so they don't speak up either
in the end the witch goes on living and getting cancer; and the others not really caring cause all they got in return for the good they tried doing is a stab after another and not necessarily in the back, even from witch's death bed
it's more of solidarity if you asked me than camaraderie
viola!
p.s. the witch is still alive
as for the witch part, the uncle will never figure it out and the kids become mini witches and grow up to be an even more evil version of their mom with malice spewing out of their pores
and no one's willing to sacrifice the peace of the family so they don't speak up either
in the end the witch goes on living and getting cancer; and the others not really caring cause all they got in return for the good they tried doing is a stab after another and not necessarily in the back, even from witch's death bed
it's more of solidarity if you asked me than camaraderie
viola!
p.s. the witch is still alive
This is a common modus operandi amongst us females in Kuwaiti families isn't it? I just followed "the magna carta code of conduct" myself during an intense family conversation yesterday, regarding a female family member whose husband (from the uber Salafi family) happens to be a reformed heroin addict and in the throes of relapse (He went to Salafi heroin rehab camp - and wife girl was supposed to be the reason for him to stay clean - none of which worked obviously) Not to mention, trolling the Kuwaiti internet scene for any action he can get. We all know that she knows, and that she knows that we know that she knows, but yet we all go through our motions to preserve her dignity and let her act out the last hurrahs of her dying and sad mockery of a sham post-modern Kuwaiti styled marriage. Sigh. I don't like it at all, it makes me deeply uncomfortable. But, there is no way anyone wants to rob her of the illusion of her dignity in front of us so of course, we say nothing at all.
We do this out of our own ideas of great compassion, discretion and sympathy for her and for not wanting to shatter her illusion. We leave it up to her to decide when she wants to open up and then we all will rally around.
I truly believe that there are times when something MUST be said, and the truth MUST be revealed or said openly because that truth is far more compassionate than to be an enabler of and perpetuator of the lie. Think how terrible it is for someone to live a lie, and how much damage the lie can do that is WORSE in the long term than allowing that person to continue their poor illusion just because we feel sorry for them and dont want to cause more pain and indignity. I do agree totally that it is up to the chosen elderly aunt or granny to be the one to break the code and the rest must act as backup in testimony to the necessity of the revelation or acknowledgement of the truth. There is a difference between "Aunty, your husband is b***** who just took you for your money and may or may not have another wife" and "Aunty, your husband is a crack addict and 'entertains' in your house while you are at work" you know what I mean?
There are some issues which there is a moral imperative to disclose, discuss openly or reveal because of the dangerousness of their nature, and some which one can leave to let the victim figure out on their own in due course - which they always do in the end - oh YES, they almost always do, it's just that they often choose to ignore it or live in denial instead. I think it is important to know when to do so. Sometimes, misplaced and confused compassion is far more destructive than acknowledging the painful but blessed truth. It's a matter of how you handle it.
We do this out of our own ideas of great compassion, discretion and sympathy for her and for not wanting to shatter her illusion. We leave it up to her to decide when she wants to open up and then we all will rally around.
I truly believe that there are times when something MUST be said, and the truth MUST be revealed or said openly because that truth is far more compassionate than to be an enabler of and perpetuator of the lie. Think how terrible it is for someone to live a lie, and how much damage the lie can do that is WORSE in the long term than allowing that person to continue their poor illusion just because we feel sorry for them and dont want to cause more pain and indignity. I do agree totally that it is up to the chosen elderly aunt or granny to be the one to break the code and the rest must act as backup in testimony to the necessity of the revelation or acknowledgement of the truth. There is a difference between "Aunty, your husband is b***** who just took you for your money and may or may not have another wife" and "Aunty, your husband is a crack addict and 'entertains' in your house while you are at work" you know what I mean?
There are some issues which there is a moral imperative to disclose, discuss openly or reveal because of the dangerousness of their nature, and some which one can leave to let the victim figure out on their own in due course - which they always do in the end - oh YES, they almost always do, it's just that they often choose to ignore it or live in denial instead. I think it is important to know when to do so. Sometimes, misplaced and confused compassion is far more destructive than acknowledging the painful but blessed truth. It's a matter of how you handle it.
# posted by 
: 3:29 AM
: 3:29 AM
Noura! 7abait il witch, 3indina o 3indikum khair! Its amazing how the kids inherit only the witchy attributes. Must compare notes soon ;p
Ms. Baker, Bravo 3elaich! You've nailed it, it IS an effort to preserve the dignity of our fallen one, and it is also the collective DIGNITY of the clan. It's like we cannot talk about it lest the walls have ears. I respect the silence, if it is not turned into lies; however, the girl/guy needs help and someone must talk to them about it.
I support the common notion of:
You might be broken, but you must and tall.
Anyways, this post is about witches breaking the codes and disrupting the delicateness of social sensitivities or solidarity as Noura has cleverly named it.
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Ms. Baker, Bravo 3elaich! You've nailed it, it IS an effort to preserve the dignity of our fallen one, and it is also the collective DIGNITY of the clan. It's like we cannot talk about it lest the walls have ears. I respect the silence, if it is not turned into lies; however, the girl/guy needs help and someone must talk to them about it.
I support the common notion of:
You might be broken, but you must and tall.
Anyways, this post is about witches breaking the codes and disrupting the delicateness of social sensitivities or solidarity as Noura has cleverly named it.
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